i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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