You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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