That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
