I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
