Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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