What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
