i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
