bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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