can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
