i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
