i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
