This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
