You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize