I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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