Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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