He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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