I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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