i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize