Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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