sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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