I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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