I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
