I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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