you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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