i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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