I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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