I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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