she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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