I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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