Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
