my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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