How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
