and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
organizing the empties. That sober.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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