We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
