elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
