I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
