Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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