We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
