i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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