So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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