just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize