lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
