Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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