Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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