There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
