Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
