I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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