I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
