i already hear my dad disowning me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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