He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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