I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
