did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
