She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
