we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
