i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize