so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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