I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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