you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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