you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
