when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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