evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize