i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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