There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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