well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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