I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We got so high we made milksteak
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
