yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
