I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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