he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
